Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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