craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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