Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
