he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
