If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
