He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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