i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
