Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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