Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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