he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
