Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
