I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
