i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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