im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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