I never want to see another naked old woman again.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
