i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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