Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
