Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
