It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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