Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
