I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
