just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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