Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
