I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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