as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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