Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
