my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
