At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
don't judge my taste in strippers
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
