That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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