so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
