so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
