im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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