I'm so fucking centered right now
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
