Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
