I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
