Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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