Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
