Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
