can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
