butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
