Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
