i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
