C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
