Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
