Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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