I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
