omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
