If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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