Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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