sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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