She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
pray to the hookup gods
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
