Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
